The Spy Who Snagged All
First and always the worst, the character of Mike Myers, Austin Powers. This seductive Brit’s yellowed and somewhat brownish, misaligned and over- sized chompers became his trademark in these movies but never cease to disgust us a bit. In fact, Brits were quite upset with the presentation of Austin’s stereotyped grin and expressed their frustration. His crowded, eroded and tinted teeth are the only part of the spy that does not operate in a stealth manner, however, as he is quite a famous and successful spy. Fortunately for us, in the last of the three films, Austin Powers in Goldmember, his team agreed that they had subjected the audience enough to his discolored and distasteful grill and used Mike’s real teeth in the movie. For Austin, we would definitely suggest some tooth filing, followed by porcelain veneers as soon as possible before he loses any more ladies to dental decay.
The Kingpin of Yellow Teeth
Lin Shaye plays the ultimate bachelor’s worst nightmare when Ron, played by Woody Harrelson, cannot fork over his rent. As she is always shown with a cigarette in her mouth, she sports the brownest/ yellowest hue in her decrepit sneer as she solicits herself sexually to Ron as a temporary solution to his lack of monthly payment. The combination of heer disgustingly greasy hair, dirty fingernails and creepy smirk all cause Ron to throw up after he gives in to what is most likely the grossest few minutes of his life. For someone that would sport a grin equivalent to this succubus, we would definitely suggest porcelain veneers to conceal these obvious dental flaws.
There is nothing more intense than a tongue that carries its own grill full of sharp and spiky teeth, like the aliens in Alien vs. Predator. As the alien’s metallic, over- sized teeth seem to be their most terrifying quality, they launch the heinously acidic parasite tongue to poison their victims and devour them in one bite. Although there are not many suggestions to solve the alien’s dental issues, we went definitely recommend Invisalign to create a better looking and feeling alignment, and may actually have a potential affect on his or her mood.
Mad Max: Fury Road
There are very few masks like that of Immortan Joe, bearing an over- sized, discolored and almost animalistic- like expression strapped over his pale white painted face and body. This mask is said to help the villain breathe as a respiratory cloak with tubes linked to a device upon his back, resembling the structure of a skeleton to intimidate enemies. Although we are not quite sure what this mask seems to be covering, for Joe’s sake, we are not picturing a pretty sight. For the infamous Immortan Joe, we would significantly suggest some Invisalign braces, an intense whitening treatment and some serious filing down of those horse teeth.
As he has been starving and rotting in a cave for who knows how long, we could not possibly expect much from the Lord of the Ring’s and Hobbit character Smeagol. Plus, we know that the only thing on his mind is his “precious”, although he will be wishing in the future that he had taken care of his “precious” pearls. Smeagol, also known as Gollum, is not just lacking teeth, but gum tissue as well, and from the looks of it, would benefit from a good bone grafting procedure. We would love to paint a porcelain smile on that face, with those big, blue doe eyes as he loses his “precious” yet again to a Hobbit generation.
Whether they are villains or heroes, Hollywood loves to create some nasty looking smiles and takes it to another level. These are just some of the few that stuck out in our minds, which ones are your favorite?